Somewhere a subway planner is weeping into a spreadsheet. A private tunnel startup just raised three billion dollars so it can dig even more holes under countries that already said yes.

Reuters: UAE and affiliated entities led the round. Valuation: twenty-three billion. The pitch includes a bigger UAE partnership — over 150 kilometers of tunnels — while Sequoia, a16z, Temasek and friends pile in. Won't somebody think of the aboveground traffic?

Satire. AI-generated video & voice. Not independently fact-checked. Entertainment only. Not financial advice.

We'll say this for Musk: when the cars won't sell themselves in China, at least the dirt still raises. It takes a special mind to turn "we dig holes" into a twenty-three-billion-dollar punchline on a Thursday.

On Sep 10, 2026, Reuters reported Musk’s Boring Company raised about $3 billion in a Series D led by the UAE and affiliated entities at a $23 billion valuation, with proceeds tied to an expanded UAE partnership including more than 150 km of tunnels (plus the existing Dubai Loop). Named investors include Sequoia, Andreessen Horowitz, Temasek, Valor, Vy, Human Capital, Shamal, and Baron. In the same window: Senegal’s Supreme Court ordered a provisional suspension of the Nov 6, 2025 ministerial order authorizing Starlink Senegal SUARL after a Sonatel challenge (ruling ~Sep 7; coverage Sep 9–10) — freezing legal effects pending merits review, not a final cancellation. CPCA-based Aug China retail: ~50,047 (−12.43% YoY), Model Y 29,260 (−25.76% YoY), Model 3 20,787 (+17.18% YoY) per CnEVPost Sep 9. FSD Supervised v14.3.9 in-car notes (~Sep 8) add Automatic Collision Evasion on controlled-access highways under stated limits. SpaceX listed USSF-153 Falcon 9 targeting Sep 10 from Vandenberg SLC-4E (confirm liftoff separately).