Cape Canaveral is shaken. An American launch company has decided the Florida coast is too busy for ordinary internet satellites, which is a polite way of saying Starlink will wait in line behind the vehicle that keeps rewriting the flight rules.

The last Florida Falcon 9 Starlink flight was about August 25. On September 6, twenty-seven more sats left Vandenberg instead. Then the launch vice president said the quiet part: future Florida Starlink goes on Starship. Won't somebody think of the east-coast boosters?

Satire. AI-generated video & voice. Not independently fact-checked. Entertainment only. Not financial advice.

We'll say this for Musk: announce the internet constellation's Florida exile in the same breath as another successful Falcon ride. It takes a special mind to retire a cakewalk and promote the unfinished spaceship in one ops note.

On Sep 6, 2026, SpaceX launched Starlink Group 15-24 from Vandenberg (~10:26 a.m. EDT): 27 satellites on Falcon 9, booster B1088 (19th flight) recovered on OCISLY — roughly the 103rd Falcon 9 of 2026 and about the 80th dedicated Starlink mission of the year, per Space.com. The same coverage reports Falcon 9 Starlink now launches only from Vandenberg; SpaceX VP Launch Kiko Dontchev said future Florida Starlink missions will fly on Starship, with the last Florida Falcon Starlink around Aug 25. Elsewhere in the window: Tesla China offered inventory cash rewards through Sep 30 (CNY 5,000 Model 3 / CNY 10,000 Model Y) per Yicai Global Sep 7; X’s Creator Revenue Sharing accrues only through Sep 7 with Original Content Rewards applications opening Sep 8 per TechCrunch’s Aug announcement; WSJ-reported Boring Company financing around a ~$20B valuation was summarized Sep 4.